Wednesday 28 March 2007

Law and ORDER!!!!!!!!

Are we looking for trouble if we allow the murder of Oluwatoyin Oluwaseesin to go unprosecuted?
I think we are......
That is the oluwatoyin that does the unpopular going to work in another state that is far away form her home, family and constituency? ( im still trying to dodge any kind of NYSC that is farther than 200 naira bus fare to my mummy's laps)
Who as a teacher rightly should, refused to allow examination malpractice, and then was stabbed, stripped and burnt, by her students?
Im so looking forward to the day when the government or judicary will be able to make decisions in Nigeria without nervously biting nails over not wanting to look sectarian, tribal, or favoring some politico-religious grouping over the other.......
This woman is a citizen of Nigeria, and no one has been investigated, charged, invited, queried or called to any kind of order over her?.... But what am i saying? this is naija now?
If this is what it has come to... stop the world..i want to get off

Tuesday 20 March 2007

maybe next time ill try venus

ok, so i know i was being cheap....
but since I have not received any gladdening phone call from my family just yet this week, I can only speculate about the state/ or existence of my allowance, and in the mean time, watch my purse strings....
So they say spring is officially here and we have to have smooth legs....being that there was no way i was going to splurge for a manhattan leg wax, i attacked my pins in the bathroom, with BIC disposable shaver and olay body wash....
It was okay for 2 days and I was still "feeling cool" with myself, i got this spring nicked (without nicking myself in the process)....
Well. this morning woke up to find the entire front of my thighs covered in itchy bumps....(not cool at all).
I took a picture, and was going to put it up (for only the un-squeamish)......
but on second thoughts....naahhhhh......ill figure out how to air-brush cellulite, and get back to you on that one

ill huff, and puff, a la Mr Mabiakwu.....

Ok, this is very late, I know...but has anyone out there watching the M-net Idols laughed at Dede Madiaku- "Cowell"?
At the village square again was a recent atricle by someone who said that, more or less, we should delight in our nature as Nigerians, those attributes of loudness, verbosity, and belligerence, even when in simple conversations or honest discourse...this he said, is what makes us Nigerians, and to ice the fruit-cake (yes, you Mr author..I mean all my puns), this is what he misses most about being in the west, the west of colourless arguements and pale modulated tones.
Im starting this way because I anticipate a lot of people would riposte that the comparison of a "westerner" to a "Nigerian" judge is flawed, so lets kill that one right there, shall we?
Firstly, of all the judges on the panel, Dede's credentials are the ones that I personally would hold to least examination as anyone would rightly surmise, award-winning brother has been around for quite a bit...stage, TV, writer, performer etc.
I have no idea who the Nana Lady is, (probaby my own ommision, mind)and apart from the fact that a radio personality would have a huge catalogue of trends in commercial music, I would not have voted Mr. Foster to be the best picks of musical talent appraisal either...but moving on from this point.....Let pick on some well refined high-points of Mr. Mabiakwu so far....
"West-life? west-life did the song "I have a dream? I put it to you that you are a liar!" "that song was done by ABBA!" the harangued contestant, obviously confused, now questioning her sanity, and began imagining that the boot legged compilation she mimed to practise to, exists in her bedroom drawer, only in a parallel universe.
The shoe, however, was on the other foot when it was whispered to Dede that Westlife had indeed done a cover on the ABBA song of contention.
"How tall are you? I can tell you that your height is exactly the height of your stupidity!" to a rather gangly hopeful who did lack singing talent, leaving poor Dan and Nana, to cringe uncomfortably, and try to dilute tensions with palliatives aimed at both parties
His golden, (even if I can understand since I am mad too) outburst at the poor kid who thought he could catapualt himself, sans trousers, into the stratosphere of fame, via Fela's underpants...,
and his shameful mockery of the contestants by taunting them to render "I believe I can fly"..although I nearly forgave him when I burst my seams as one of the contestants told us that "I believe I can FRY......",
It has been more entertaining to watch Dede's puerile attempts at impersonal, standard crticisms than the intended unravelling of the contestants themselves.
In fact I think its a good thing he has a big mouth, because how else would be be able to judge a show like Mnet Idols with both of his feet firmly tucked in it?

Tuesday 13 March 2007

Ori-ade mi Ayinke

At a recent post on the Nigeria Village Square website, I saw an article called "letter to my son, age minus six months", and It thought to's a thought.....I have always wished If I could to be able to talk to my children unborn too...What would be the first thing I would tell them? well...her, since Im convinced that I shall first "bring forth a girl"?
Ok...anyway, here goes......
Ayinke mi, welcome....there must be a reason why God chose of all people, this woman for you to have come through, ....Did you peep over the clouds, chubby and gurgling innocent, given the option to pick from a couple of people who were walking about in the lagos sun, and you had gurgled..that one..? how did you decide to pick me? Is that how it went?
Ayinke, the reason why I talking to you today is that i have been thinking and im worried.
To contemplete what a huge responsibilty it will be to nurture your mind and attempt give you the first couple of pages of your beliefs, is a job that has been fazing me for quite a bit now.
what an enormous responsibility it shall be to raise you, to know your own mind.
It has become a harder world to live in, and not just becasue of wars and pestilences, the biggest problem for me as a citizen of the world pro-apoclaypse has been the ability to decide, once and for all, who I am, and what I stand for, and Im afraid Ayinke, that the way things are going, you might very well inherit, hooks and all, all the facets of my ambivalence...
i shall always bite my nails, with tears in my eyes, as i watch you walk the fine line, hesitant between bigotry and belief, turn back to me and ask....
" Mummy, If Im taught that homosexuality is a sin, how come its the only one that we are now saying the people dont have to judge? We dont leave it to God to judge stealing right?, or isnt it a sin?" well the thing comes to a matter of self-will and choice, and besides, you know you have to keep this kind of argument only inside this house, right?
It will remind me of my own the left, and then to the right......
"How come all the money being given by foreigners to African countries is not working?" economics and dynamics, trade-pull power.....emmm...they will teach you in school
"How come the Isrealites were allowed to kill their enemies in the bible, but complain when it is done to them?" Isrealites killed enemies of GOD, remember that..they didnt do it for themselves, they possessed their lands because God told them to, grudgingly, they accepted...
"How come the Pastor uses genocides in the bible to preach like it was good" It was good then because God allowed it to happen, for the ones that he didnt sanction, there eventually has to be a signed global recognition and apology for... "
What does the pastor mean when he says that we should be end-time Isrealites? I thought we were yoruba, why would God choose only only race to be his people, how can we still be all His children?....Ok, keep talking, and its going to be the back-seats of the church for you. young lady?
How can I be a christian mummy and still belive that God allows pro-choice?" Gasp....God does not allow pro-choice, he only allows choice.....the only people that are allowed to change their positions like that are christian politicians, never forget that point!
"How can you give me contraceptives, and say you hope i will not use it outside marriage, and that Im not having sex yet?" Im covering all angles, while hoping that you are covering EVERYTHING........and
"How can you tell me to abstain, when you didnt" I see you have been reading mummy's high-school scrap book again...its not nice to pry into people's private stuff
"Why do people say it not that simple, when I say that countries that produce a lot of food, should simple GIVE the surplus to others that dont have so much?" It makes it easier for them to sleep at night
"Is it true that you are supposed to love me no matter what" yes....thats the general job description, but you'll be a dear and make my job less difficult wont you? there's a dear

P.S: If you have any inside information on who your father will be , could you be so kind to send me an UNEQUIVOCAL sign when I meet him, ...thank you dear...