Wednesday 9 June 2010

In my defence......

I blame my workspace, which right now looks a huge mess.
The reason is simple.
I often write from the computer, and my favorite to type with is my Mac™ computer.
Because you know, I’m a serious writer and we all know all serious writers must use the Mac™ computer.
Some authors get by on Windows™ computers, but frankly we know that those ones will always struggle.
My beautiful Mac™ is more than 3 years old now, and in some serious need of an upgrade, but if wishes were horses, I’d be a professional jockey.
Lately, it has these emotional issues and chooses to open many programs and some disk drives in a purely random manner, and many times I approach it in pure trepidation, never knowing which mood she is going to be in that day.
The battery is also just about gone, which means I type and save manically and curse very frequently when PHCN cuts the power, sometimes before I have the chance to hit the “save” button.
And what else….oh yeah, by some circuiting problem, the left side of the machine gives me a small jolt when I’m not wearing shoes, which I frequently am not.
So, this machine has me typing manically, cursing like an anti-Christian and in dire danger of one day dying from an electric shock just about everyday.
But here I am, 3 years later, still madly in love.
And still madly proud. Because I’d love to change it and use the Windows™, but what kind of serious writer would that make me?
And this bring us to the Windows™.
Well, I’ll be fair, performance and longevity-wise, I’ve had better luck with my Windows; a clunky, heavy, silver, cheap-plastic Dell™. To be honest, I look at that machine and it reminds me of an ugly shoe.
But that’s all the complaints I’m allowed to have under God’s green earth, because this child has held out.
It is seven years old, bought with scarce funds that I didn’t have, sometime ago as a student. I opportunity-cost(ed) some medical textbooks at the time, and even then, it took about six months and then some to pay it all off. (long story) But I had a computer, I was a year-three student and that fact made me so fly!
Here comes my book, my thesis, my discovery of the cure for saggy bottoms!.
Then I was soon to discover, meekly, that the computer only helps you to write what is inside your head, tap-tapping on the keyboard alone will not do the job and magically put the words, the thoughts, the book, the theory together.
Oh well, at least I could watch DVD’s.
And when I started to get free-lance writing gigs in and outside school, having a computer was an amazing plus, so it was not all in vain.
In spite of falls, bangs and scratches, it has held on stoically like a soldier. A very good product. A bit slow nowadays, but a good product.
If only it would stop looking like an ugly shoe.
Did I mention its slowness? I did I guess, but I must have glossed over it, because that child is slow man…..kilode?
This is how I put it on.

Step one….open computer and press the “on” key.
Step two.. wait a few seconds to see if “on” heard me.
Step two and half… (often inevitable) repeat step two louder.
Step three… If step two and a half goes the right way, step away from the computer for about fifteen minutes. Go and make breakfast, arrange your books, find a pen, review your journal for the day, look at your notes for the day and etcetera ( I don’t do such serious writer-ly things, mind) most of the time I’m taking one of my many showers in the day.
Step three and a half….if Step three is taking long today, wait a little longer.
Step four: by this time, the reason for the fifteen minutes (ugly-shoe is booting up) has usually run its course.
Step five: Now you can do your writing or the day. Or watch DVD’s (mind your business jo!)

Okay where was I?
Oh okay, my workspace…so the reason why its such a mess.
This is because I often have both computers on, the Mac for until PHCN strikes, and the Windows to resume hereafter ( in spite of its unforgivable ugliness, it has held up with battery power and even after eight years, has a spare that still works like Day One).
Behind the silver cheap-plastic is a silver lining abi?
Then there is my portable HP printer to print and revise work with. Which has not made up its mind if it likes my Mac™ or my Windows™ better, because some days it works fine with one, and the next it says it doesn’t want to be friends no more.
Then we switch to the other.
So where were we, last count, two laptops, one schizophrenic printer. My two phones always permanently charging (I know, this is so bush of me, but Im always plugging rechargeable things into power as soon as I find a power source. There must be a name for this compulsive disorder. *The different ways in which Nigeria has messed up otherwise normal adults is criminal*)
Add some other odds and ends, empty plastic bottles, hair-pins, too many shoes, some nail polish (when dialogue wont come, give yourself a manicure), scratched recharge cards, lists of people I need to call, articles to write and you have an idea of what it is like in my workspace.
And that is the reason why I haven’t finished the manuscript yet, or why I haven’t been updating this blog.
And with that M’lord, the defence rests…….