Tuesday 27 February 2007

Half Celibate is better than none

So I’m sitting here o, minding my own business, have lied about having the flu to my preceptor so I can get out of going to school today je-je, and have stayed home instead to spend the day innocently surfing the internet.
I think for all of 2 seconds that if only my preceptor knows what my chat ID is, and manages to see me permanently signed on in the yahoo chat engine, instead of sniffing, coughing and feeling down right suicidal under the sheets that having the flu should rightly do to me…..then again, I think that he already sort of knows….I don’t think I did the cough-cough, sniff-sniff impersonation over the phone too well….
Anyway, see me see trouble o…I had thought that at 9.30 on a Monday morning and signed in ready to chat, only a few people would be around to see you, being that the greater population of the world’s other wise employed would be at work/school/garage/….
”Ping” goes my computer…someone wants me to know they are online, and has buzzed me.
Its my friend, …now me and this woman had lost touch for about 15 years, since like primary school basically…and had only by chance hooked up again last year…God Save the Internet…even though our paths had been in close tandem a couple of times, it just didn’t happen till she googled me. (by the way, until someone tells you that…Oh…I didn’t know where to look anymore, than I hit google and found a couple of stuff you had done, accessed those sites and sent them an email, and then found your address….you haven’t lived….)
Anyway we arranged to meet in person about Christmas, and we did, and it was nice. Fun, laughter, no awkward-ities……we both agreed that : being elitist-posh is SO out, throwing disdain in the direction of the elitist-posh is IN, we were unmarried because all men were dumb/blind/wolves/just-too-stupid, cheaters. etc.. and generally promised not to let the silence of 15 years repeat itself again.
When she headed back to her base in America, we promised that this time we would never part.
Well, it didn’t quite happen like that, instead of jumping on a plane, train, bus, whatever to see each other the minute I got there, our earlier enthusiasm for each other’s “hilarious company” and “sparkling conversation” had cooled somewhat.
I wasn’t in blazing hurry to spend money go see her, and the way she kept on pulling exams, schedules and impromptu weddings out of a hat, I’m guessing ditto for her too…However, we still managed to keep up general jists on the phone and do some thirty minute senseless online natter sometimes.
So it was this morning when she pinged me, after we had done the usual kabuki-like ritual dance around each other….
”you…you fashied me…”….
”me?…ah-ha it was you that has jaboo-ed me now…” etc.
out of that molar-grinding nonsense came a jocular jab…(to me)
In fact the whole thing went thus
Iminnthemoodfordisclosure99: what is wrong with you sef? I think you are stressed

Chattingsenselesslyonmondaymorning1: my dear, don’t mind me jare

Iminnthemoodfordisclosure99: I think you need sex*

(Huh?.......), *Note: allegation of no…or only spurious relation to prior subject matter, I promise….

Oh well in the spirit of the turn of the conversation
Chattingsenselesslyonmondaymorning1: hahahah! That wont be bad o, shay you will borrow me your man for a bit?

Iminnthemoodfordisclosure99: well,…..( frostily, the screen went cold I swear) I’m sorry, if you want to know, I have been celibate for 7 years now……waiting for my honeymoon night, I only said YOU need sex…..


Chattingsenselesslyonmondaymorning1: oh really, that’s great, for religious purposes?

Iminnthemoodfordisclosure99: Yes, that and the fact that it helps keep the wolves away…..

Chattingsenselesslyonmondaymorning1: You are right, that’s a honourable thing to do

Iminnthemoodfordisclosure99: Besides, God loves me more

Chattingsenselesslyonmondaymorning1: God couldn’t possibly love you more, He loves you the same. Sin only makes us unable to accept that love

Iminnthemoodfordisclosure99: Well I feel his love more, so I guess we are saying the same thing

Chattingsenselesslyonmondaymorning1: I suppose you are right…but wait o, me I always have to ask when people tell me they have been celibate,…so you mean celibate as in celibate…..no kissing not touching, nothing, nothing

Iminnthemoodfordisclosure99: Ah! No-o, I kiss, even make out once in awhile when I feel like…in fact that was the reason why I was uncomfortable with (…lagbaja) he always liked to make out, that’s why we broke up…..

Chattingsenselesslyonmondaymorning1: errr….Ohhhhh-ok…..em…I have to get to work

Iminnthemoodfordisclosure99: Oh yeah, I was just on my way out myself, talk to you later

Chattingsenselesslyonmondaymorning1: Ok sweets, bye…

Right! Another one of those…just when I think I had met one of the true genuine ones, (to inspire me, mind) turns out to be just like the rest of them of the quasi-celibate creed.
Me I have never understood it. The good book is very clear on what it states about pre-marital sex, and its reasons for that doctrine are easy to understand….basically, lust for each other’s flesh and acting on it will bring dis-honour to the marital bed, that which is sacred, and undefiled.
But a worse evil than not following this law, is not follow it under the false impression that you are compliant, and to take the cake, further trick yourself into looking at other “full-time” offenders as graven sinners, complete with that slow shake of the head.
With the amount of my vitriolic in this post, it’s a little easy to see how much I, personally have defaulted the law, (and that’s all I’m saying about my sexual history present, past AND future on this blog), but I have never for once not realised that on those grounds: I’m a sinner, and in big trouble, and I better find my way back if I know what’s good for me
But this self-righteous half-and-half behaviour makes it easy for me to do my own (self-righteous by way of conscious sinner) head shaking of my own.
In fact , that healthy dose of moral superiority I got on Monday morning, was strong enough to make me get dressed, call my preceptor, re-cant my lie (well, not quite, I told him I was feeling much better, which I was, thanks to coming tops in a moral war the poor, unfortunate other half didnt even know they were fighting) and headed off to school.
Another day……..


Anonymous said...

lol....btw, what does 'preceptor' mean here? Do u mean, your boss or boo?

a, but to be celibate for 7 yrs. I don't think my body fit take am o.

Wole's Girl said...

Preceptor is my boss and not my bobo o!!!
I cant imagine that one day, the 67 year kind old man will find my blog and burst an artery at that speculation o!!!!
Im sure my friend knows 7 years celibacy is no mean feat...
that was why she was bent on informing me, whether i cared to know or not!!!!